A Heavy Metal Musical
by Zach LaPietra
Summary: A spoof of the Disney smash hit High School Musical. The story follows me and my friends doing nothing of importance to a back beat of ferocious metal brutality.
1. Morning Routine

**A Heavy Metal Musical**

by

Zach LaPietra

**INT - A Bedroom**

_As the scene fades in, dreamy morning-time music plays. The main character, Zach, stirs in bed, ultimately to be revealed from the sheets. He yawns. After a moment, the dreamy music stops (SFX: Record scratch). Heavy music begins to play._

_Zach: _FUCK! ANOTHER DAY IN THIS DREARY LIFE! ANOTHER DAY FILLED WITH HATE AND STRIFE! (His alarm clock rings, he promptly smacks it off the nightstand. He gets out of bed at this point.) NONETHELESS I START EACH DAY THE SAME! IT'S TIME FOR MY MORNING ROUTINE!

**INT - THE BATHROOM**

_Zach is on the toilet, a guitar covering his genitals. He is head-banging ferociously._

_Zach: _USE THE TOILET, VOID MY BOWELS.

**INT-THE SHOWER**

_Zach is shot from the waist up, he is washing himself in the shower._

Zach: THEN THE SHOWER, DON'T FORGET A TOWEL. (He opens the curtain to point to a towel that is on the toilet.)

**INT - THE BATHROOM**

_Zach is now in front of a mirror, shaving cream on his face. Obviously, he is shaving. A towel around his waist._

Zach: GET RID OF THAT FACIAL HAIR. WITH IT GONE, THE LADIES ALL STARE. BUT EVEN WITH IT, THEY STILL DO. I'M SO AWESOME, WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? (He points at the camera.)

_Zach is now getting dressed in jeans and a white polo with "The Creamery" logo on it._

Zach_: GETTING READY, GETTING DRESSED. LOOK AWESOME, LOOK YOU'RE BEST. IN THE END, THEY WILL PAY. WHEN YOU TAKE ALL THEIR MONEY AWAY._

_Zach is now brushing his teeth. He spits the toothpaste out._

Zach: FINALLY, YOUR TEETH YOU BRUSH. THAT PLAQUE YOU SOON WILL CRUSH. WASH AWAY THOSE CAVITIES THAT LURK. (The music dies down.) FUCK! IT'S TIME TO GO TO WORK.

Author's Note:

The lyrics listed above are, in fact, my own original lyrics. I do own those.

CAPS = Screamed lyrics

_Italics_ = Stage/camera directions


	2. People We Don't Know

Author's Note: The lyrics below are mine. I own those. If I hear them being used somewhere else, bad things will happen. Not really. (But seriously).

CAPS = Screams

_Italics_ = Stage/Camera ations

( ) = Character actions

**EXT. - Street**

_Zach is driving down the road in his Jeep. Of course, there is heavy metal/hard rock music playing from the radio._

Zach_: It's too early for this shit..._

**INT - THE CREAMERY**

_Zach enters the 50's themed diner. Bret is sitting at the bar, drawing in a sketch book. Bret notices Zach._

Bret_: Zach...you're early._

Zach: Don't get used to it. (He sits next to Bret.) Ugh...10:30. To early for a Saturday.

Bret: Well, money's money my friend.

Zach: Be that as it may, I don't want people to flood the store right when we open.

_Bret's face turns towards the door_.

Bret: You know what sucks?

Zach: What?

Bret: (He points towards the door.) That.

_Zach's eyes widen as a crowd of people flood The Creamery. The next song starts to play._

Zach: WHY CAN'T WE EVER CATCH A BREAK? THEY ALWAYS WANT THE DELICIOUS FOOD WE MAKE. I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH SHIT WE TAKE. EVERYDAY WE'RE NOTHING BUT FAKE.

_Zach and Bret go around doing normal work related activities throughout the song._

Zach: THEY WANT MILKSHAKES AND CURLY FRIES. THEY DON'T KNOW ALL OF THEM I DESPISE. I SIT AND PLOT THEIR UNTIMELY DEMISE. UNTIL THEN WE CONTINUE TO FORCE FEED THEM LIES.

_Zach pulls out a guitar from no where and Bret uses an ice-cream scoop as a microphone._

Bret and Zach: FUCK YOU! PEOPLE WE DO NOT KNOW. YOU MAKE WORK AS PAINFUL AS WATCHING GRASS GROW. DON'T YOU HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO? THAN COME IN HERE MAKING US HATE YOU? WE WOULDN'T CARE IF THERE WERE ONLY A COUPLE. BUT WHEN IT'S ALL OF YOU OUR RAGE SO DOUBLES. PEOPLE WE DO NOT KNOW. GET YOUR TREATS AND THEN JUST GO!

_As the musical interlude plays, Bret and Zach continue doing work tasks._

Zach: THE ORDERS GET SO COMPLICATED. FROM THESE BIGOTS SO LOST AND JADED. ALL CARE FOR THEM HAS FADED. HOW DO THEY NOT KNOW THEY'RE ALL SO HATED?

_Repeat the chorus sequence, continue with the working montage. (Because I'm too lazy to re-type and/or copy and paste)_

Zach: GET OUT! WE DON'T KNOW YOU PERSONALLY! IT'S TIME THAT YOU FINALLY LEAVE! GET OUT! WE DON'T KNOW YOU PERSONALLY! SO GO, GO FUCKING LEAVE!

_Throughout the breakdown sequence, the customers are frightened and scurry out of the store._

_Bret and Zach look at each other, nod and then fist bump._

Bret: Excellent job my friend.

Zach: Thanks. I was improving.

Bret: Well played, sir.

Zach: I've been working on my free-styling.

Bret: Wow, sounded good.

Zach: Appreciate it man.

_There is a long pause. The two of them look around aimlessly then they look at a clock._

Zach: Bail?

Bret: Let me grab my keys.

_The two leave the store and Bret locks the door behind them. As they walk into the parking lot, Zach stops._

Zach: Hold on a minute. (He takes off his Creamery polo and is in an Affliction t-shirt now.) Much better.

Bret: Very metal.

Zach: That's how I roll.

_They continue on and get in Zach's Jeep. As he cranks the engine, Bret's phone rings._

Bret: Hello? (Pause.) Sure, hold on. (to ZACH) Wanna go get pizza?

Zach: Pizza? Hell yeah.

Bret: (To phone) Yeah, we're on our way.


	3. Pizza

Author's Note: My lyrics. MINE. I own them. You do not. That is all.

CAPS = Screams

_Italics_ = Scene/Camera directions

( ) = Character Actions

**INT - A PIZZA PARLOR**

_Bret and Zach, along with a few other pizza are sitting around a table. A pizza is brought to their table and, as they start to eat, the next song begins._

Zach: PIZZA. EATING PIZZA AGAIN. PIZZA. PIZZA WITH MY FRIENDS. PIZZA. ALWAYS DELICIOUS. PIZZA. CAN MAKE A SONG SOUND VICIOUS.

_As the music kicks in, everyone starts to head-banging as they eat._

Zach: NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES WE EAT IT. THERE'S REALLY NOTHING THAT BEATS IT. MELTED CHEEZE AND PLENTY OF TOPPINGS. WHEN IT'S BROUGHT, MOUTHS ARE DROPPING. 14 INCHES OF GOODNESS FOR 15 BUCKS. ANY CHEAPER YOU'RE ONE LUCKY FUCK. CANADIAN BACON AND HAM, IT'S THE SAME. BUT SAUSAGE AND HAMBURGER JUST HAVE DIFFERENT NAMES. PEPPERONI, YOU CAN NEVER GO WRONG. AND BREADSTICKS KEEP THE PARTY GOING STRONG. OOOOOH!

_A girl in the group starts to sing with Zach as he overdubs some of her vocals with screams and growls._

Girl: Time and time again

Zach: TIME AND TIME AGAIN

Girl: Pizza's dominance over hunger, never seems to end

Zach: NEVER SEEMS TO END

Girl: Other foods can try, but they just can't compare

Zach: JUST CAN'T COMPARE

Girl: From all the greatness between the crusts that is here

Zach: THAT IS HERE

_Zach jumps on the table, again, having a guitar that seems to appear from nowhere, and starts to solo. During the solo sequence, his friends commence to ferociously eating the pizza, throwing up rock fists, and headbanging nearly all at the same time. After the solo ends, there is a staccato bass drum playing._

Zach: PIZZA. EATING PIZZA AGAIN. PIZZA. PIZZA WITH MY FRIENDS. NOW THAT IT HAS BEEN DEVOURED. THE OTHER CUSTOMERS ALL HAVE HAVE COWERED. BECAUSE WE NEVER CEASE IN BRUTALLY NOMMING OUR FOOD. WHAT'S NEXT? WHAT DO WE DO?

_The song abruptly stops and Zach is still on the table. Everyone around looks at each other, shrugs and comments on they don't know what to do._

Zach: Bret's house?

Bret: I'm down.

Zach: (Raising a finger triumphantly) To Bret's house!

_Zach jumps off the table and they proceed to exit the store in a cheery manner._

Cashier: (Coming in a little late) Wait, but you didn't...pay...(Sighs) I hate my job...


End file.
